When is ‘another chance’ one too many for your child?
Q: When I use consequences with my child, sometimes he begs for another chance. I can tell he’s sorry. Should I give in?
A: “It will never happen again.” “Next time, I’ll call. I really will!” Statements like these,
coming from a child, sound familiar to nearly every parent. Many kids will talk and beg for hours rather than accept the results of their actions. But children respect parents who mean what they say and follow through.
Remember to:
•Keep it real. Are you really going to ground him for a month? If you know in your heart that “a month” really means “the next two weekends,” then just make it the next two weekends. Realistic consequences are better than harsh, empty threats.
•Take the heat. Your child may get angry with you. This is a last resort when parents won’t back down. Stay calm, and give him a chance to calm down, too.
•Skip the guilt. Your child may describe you as the “bad guy.” For example, “You’re the worst parent ever!” But others try a tactic that can feel even worse to parents. They turn it on themselves. (“Oh, I’m a terrible person!”) Reply that no, he isn’t terrible, but his behavior was out of bounds. You are still going to enforce the consequence.
Source: Elaine M. Gibson, “Begging and Pleading for Mercy—Don’t Fall for It,” The Challenge
of Parenting, www.elainegibson.net/parenting/pleading.html.
Filed under: Parenting